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You're ruining everything

A couple of days back we reported with horror that pop murderer Simon Cowell might have hooked Dizzee Rascal into performing some sort of super cheesy England song for the World Cup with James Corden, and prayed that it wasn’t true. Surely this is a sign of the man’s terminal artistic decline?

Well now it’s got even worse: not only is the song for real, but the pair are going to premiere it on Britain’s Got Talent, killing the souls of everyone involved. It’s called Shout For England and is, according to The Sun, a ‘mash-up’ of Blackstreet’s ‘No Diggity’ and Tears For Fears 1984 hit ‘Shout’. Dear God no.

‘Simon has been sitting on this song and the idea for 15 years waiting for the perfect chance to get it in the charts,’ said a source to the tabloid. ‘He approached Dizzee and then teed it up with James and everything came together yesterday.

‘It has been a long, slow and painful labour. Now the lads are under serious pressure to be ready in time for their big performance in front of more than ten million viewers at the weekend. The song is a belter and everyone is excited about it. But it's a race against time to be ready.’

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