For a man, there can barely be anything more humiliating than being told in public that a hot young lady doesn’t fancy you, especially so if you have an ego the size of a small country, like most footballers.

Take Ashley Cole, for instance; if you’re to believe terrible gossipy muck-rakers like us the man must be the most egotistical footballer in the history of the world. Even worse than George Best and Cristiano Ronaldo combined. In fact, it wouldn’t be a exaggeration to say that he is history’s greatest monster. So it must have been bad for him to hear that the two young girls he was spotted with in America – Elle Hartley and Melissa Niak – said that he was ‘ugly.’ Ouch.

‘We don't even fancy him,’ they said, horrified at the thought of the Chelsea left back dipping his wick in their love stew. ‘He's ugly. This has ruined our lives. We've been made to look like slappers.’

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