Turtle frenzy over remake

Hollywood’s latest attempt to recycle a children’s favourite from the past has run into flak. Michael Bay, the Armageddon director whose manual does not feature the word "subtlety", has been criticised for his plan to make a new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film.

The original Turtles are squaring up with differing opinions on the project. Robbie Rist, the voice of Michelangelo seemed to have been suffering from severe over-reaction when he heard that Bay planned to make his Turtles extra-terrestrials rather than cuddly old mutants.

"I did some voice work on the first set of movies that you are starting to talk about sodomising," Rist wrote in a somewhat ludicrous open letter to the director. "I know believing in mutated talking turtles is kinda silly to begin with but am I supposed to be led to believe there are ninjas from another planet? The rape of our childhood memories continues . . . "

Before you could say Cowabunga, Rist’s former colleague, Brian Tochi, aka Leonardo in the original 1990 film, hit back, and offered a touch of Yiddish to back up his argument. "If Michael Bay wants to do a different take on the turtles origin story . . . mazel tov!" It means good luck.

Turtle fans, that peculiar cadre that still cherishes memories of a 22 year-old mediocre kids’ film, took to the message boards and Twitter to offer their confused and slightly sad indignation.

Bay for once sounded like the voice of reason. "Fans need to take a breath and chill," his mellow statement read. "Relax, we are including everything that made you become fans in the first place. We are just building a richer world."

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