Towing the party line

It seems that top brass in the WAG assembly have got a new strategy: if a footballer strays, the girls are to keep mum. That means no looking miserable in front of the cameras, no talking about your betrothed's adventures with foreign prostitutes; in fact no hint that anything is pete tong behind the scenes other than a discreet removal of engagement or wedding ring. A stoic permasmile should be worn at all times.

Top marks then, Abbey Clancy. She turned up to work wearing leather hotpants (in your face Pete!) and a mask of good humour. She laughed and joked as fresh pictures of her lanky air-kicker getting frisky in nightclubs (does he ever have a night off?) seeped into the ether. The Sun credits Mrs Terry for bringing the stiff upper lip back into fashion: 'It was thanks to Toni, 29 - wife of sleazy Chelsea ace John Terry - that Abbey forgave beanpole England striker Crouch for romping with Algerian tart Monica Mint, 19, in Madrid.'

'Algerian tart'? Charming. Anyway, all hail Toni Poole. She's rewritten the rule book with regard to philandering footballers and we like it. Public despair is so nineties...

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