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The end of an era

Russell Brand has spoken out about the new love in his life – that’s Katy Perry by the way, don’t you follow celeb news? – and about just how happy kissing this particular girl makes him. That’s very happy indeed. So much so that the legendary swordsman is going to keep his equipment in reserve for his pop star girlfriend, and no-one else. How’s about that then?

‘When one is in a relationship, one respects the restrictions that imposes. That's the point of being in a relationship,’ Contactmusic quoted him as saying while at a show at London’s Royal Albert Hall. He also pledged his loyalty; ‘I've taken a pledge. I can't break it now. There will be no more threesomes.’ Whatever Perry’s doing, she’s doing it well. Just listen to the soppiness coming out of his mouth.

‘I've been really happy in the last couple of months,’ he gushed. ‘All I know is that I have met someone who I like and makes me happy. I am very much fulfilled.

‘Having met Katy she has certainly been a catalyst in changing my life but I have been changing my life for myself first and foremost, because it's a better way for me to be living at this time.’

Who are all the sexually frustrated men of Britain going to live vicariously through now, Russell?

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