SyCo sharpens his axe

Silly Simon. It's one thing to have a bit of a panic attack about the logistics of your show, it's another to toy with the idea of axing someone just because they are pregnant. In the latest hoo-har about Dannii being - gasp! up the duff, SyCo is demanding that she: be fit and well come filming time for the next X Factor (we recommend she checks her crystal ball); gives the show her 'full attention' (no breastfeeding in ad breaks) and promises to 'properly mentor' contestants (that depends on the level of stage-school histrionics each brings with them...) If Simon's demands aren't met, Dannii apparently risks being moved to a guest judge spot, or being given her P45. Possible replacements include Mel B and Robbie Williams.

Simon's list of demands smacks of petulant male bosses the world over when a member of staff goes on maternity. We think he should be axed on the grounds of being in love. Noone wants to watch a cuddly telly svengali...

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