Swine might say

Oasis have been locked up in their hotel in Venezuela – to protect them from the imminent threat of swine flu. Neither of them appear too happy about it, mind you.

'In Caracas, top gig. Sat in me room in silence as my TV doesn’t work' said Liam. 'Not allowed to leave the hotel for fear of being tickled to death.' Meanwhile Noel blogged that: 'Ain’t got that pig flu yet, by the way. Give it time, though.'

Not if their management have anything to say about it. They've only aloud them out of the hotel wearing those surgical face masks, giving Noel the bright idea of new merchandise to fleece fans for – Oasis surgical masks. It's a winner.

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