She can't handle it

Like the rest of the flabby-arsed, cosseted keyboard monkeys who infest the world of the media, the idea of going to prison is so far away from our thoughts that the mere mention of it makes us break out into a cold sweat. In fact as this article was being written, we had to grab a towel and wipe ourselves down.

So spare a thought for poor old Lindsay Lohan, who has had to put up with the vicious taunts directed at her from the other inmates. According to recently released inmate Cheryl Presser it has freaked her out so badly that she has kept other prisoners awake at night with her wailing and squawking, and has had to be moved into solitary confinement for the benefit of everyone.

‘Lindsay would lie there shivering all night, crying and covering her face with her hands,’ she said. ‘Her wailing was keeping everyone awake. She had a hysterical fit, crying and yelling, so she got put in isolation.’

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