Say it ain't so

When Channel Four finally laid the syphilitic old man of Big Brother to rest, the world let out a collective sigh of relief. The show had long since become little more than a collection of freaks and wannabes, with each year’s edition passing by with less and less to talk about. And that’s discounting the fact it was utter toilet in the first place, and only existed to make sure E4 didn’t become officially renamed as Friends4.

However, what Channel Four neglected to do was take its genetic mutation of a spin off – Celebrity Big Brother – down from the attic to be put out of its misery, and now its back, poisoning our screens with pointless Z-listers and has-beens and their desperation to be seen, heard or acknowledged in any way possible. ‘LOVE ME’ they scream, but you can’t can you? It’s impossible to love people who are so consumed with themselves, so the best that can be done is mild irritation.

What’s more upsetting is that someone with genuine talent like Lady Sovereign needs to take to the TV stage and pretend to be mates with people as lame as Kym Marsh, MC Hammer (the humanity) and down-on-her-luck panto dame Pamela Anderson. Truly it is a grim time to be alive. It starts tomorrow by the way, so we’ll find out if any of those contestants are real. Say it ain’t so Sov.

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