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Russell Brand's swan song

The inevitable sign that celebs have something to flog, be it album, clothing range or exercise DVD, is a tidal wave of quotable soundbites suddenly heading our way. Russell Brand's film, 'Get me to the Greek' is released imminently, and so the hairy comedian has started waxing lyrical about sex, marriage and...swan slayings.

Russell said, 'From that first date with Katy, I didn't return another call to another girl, I didn't go anywhere, didn't mess around with anybody at all. It's almost been a relief.'

And of the wedding, Brand boasted, 'It's going to be indulgent. Everyone's going to be topless, the bride, the groom, that's me, our parents, all topless. It will be a festival of decadence. The first thing we're going to do is slaughter a swan. That's to the god Zeus. Our wedding is essentially going to be a recreation of the greatest moments in mythological history.'

If we may translate: Russell will wear white and show lots of chest hair, Katy Perry will wack out the liquid liner, and don a toga. Dionysus it ain't.

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