Russell Bland

What has happened to Russell Brand? Once this great nation’s most promiscuous male member, up to his sack in a string of what the tabloids called ‘lovelies’, now he’s happily shacked up with just the one woman, and telling people not to get involved in threesomes. Say it ain’t so Russ, say it ain’t so.

‘I would urge people, men especially, unless they're bisexual, to avoid the two-male threesome,’ he said in an interview with Rolling Stone. ‘You're essentially getting less there than you would have got anyway. Half the involvement in sex and at least double the risk of someone farting in the room and the constant threat of what I know as ‘nut brush’... the phenomena where if you take a threesome to its natural conclusion you may very well find your testicles being impeached by another man's testicles. That's not my idea of a party.

‘Once me and my mate went through a stage, I dunno why, circumstances or something, where we slept with this same girl a few times. It never ended well. One occasion I accidentally got some sperm on his leg. He responded in a way that was a sort of tit for tat mentality that led to war all over the world. An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind. Thank God it wasn't his eye that the sperm got in, otherwise I'd be talking to you from behind dark glasses and getting paid for every gig in dollar bills.’

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