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Posh competes in bonkathon

It's not often we feel sorry for Becks - the air-kicker leads a very charmed life, but perhaps it's time to cut the man some slack. According to The Sun wifey is insisting on bonking five times a day in order to add to her three strong mini football team. Not only that, she wants a girl. We're having visions of Vix wielding a fertilisation chart over Becks a la Misery. He's currently suffering from an Achilles heel injury....

A unnamed source beefs up the story: 'He's not complaining. But with all the strapping on his foot just getting about is hard enough, let alone bedroom gymnastics five times a day. Vic is desperate to get pregnant and has a timetable for sex. From what David's said it basically means he must produce the goods whenever it's possible and be on continuous standby. He's exhausted and is just trying to get his energy back for Victoria's return.'

That sounds like the most made-up quote we've ever heard. However, we still feel a tiny twinge of sympathy for Becks - he stands no chance of hobbling away from a rampant Victoria. We think it's time for Goldenballs to lie back and think of England...

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