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Pick me, Simon! No, me!

Professional smug man Piers Morgan has publicly begged Simon Cowell to let him be his best man when the 50 year old reality supremo finally gets hitched. Morgan claims that he should be given the task, as his speech will make Cowell 'squirm'.

Morgan told The People, 'I hope Simon will choose me. I would give the best speech ever about him. I have some stories that would make Simon squirm more than ever before. It would be an absolute honour to be asked. I know I would make his day. He (Cowell) is constantly smiling. He is even being mildly nicer to the contestants... so it's good news all round. I have never seen him this happy.'

The other TV face to offer up his speech making skills for Simon's big day is none other than 'Nasty' Nigel Lythgoe. Clearly the only answer is for some kind of reality TV battle, perhaps with Sinitta and Amanda Holden also battling it out for Maid of Honour...

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