Official under the thumb

If you’re one of only a handful of ladies under the age of 75 who hasn’t already had sex with Russell Brand, then we’re afraid it’s bad news because it looks like it’ll never happen after the Essex comic confirmed he is now engaged to Katy Perry.

Rumours had been doing the rounds that Rusty Rocket had popped the question to pop tart Katy on New Year's Eve whilst on a spiritual holiday to India and now it looks like we have confirmation from the man himself. When asked by The Sun if he was engaged Brand said, ‘It's true. Much love’.

The newspaper also quotes a close friend of Brand saying that he had recently bought a ring for his long term girlfriend; ‘Katy's managed to tame me. This is it - I'm completely in love.’

Posting what a Tweet from a changed man on Twiiter during Christmas, Brand said; 'Tonight I turned off my famous, hedonistic hot-tub, a monumental event. I did it for climate change. In every sense.'

It's believed the loved-up couple are now sunning it up in Thailand. One Two Three vomit.

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