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Off the plane, lardy

There’s a scene in Police Academy 5 (the one where the same tired jokes are extended over a pointless excursion to Miami) where an extremely fat member of the gang – whose name has been temporarily forgotten, much like most other things from the series – is walking across the plane from side to side, making it tip to the side. The joke being that he was so fat the plane couldn’t stay straight. Of course, if the plane were that lightweight they’d have crashed to the ground wiping everyone out in a huge fireball - if they’d even been able to take off.

The point of that story is that he should never have been allowed on the plane - the lard bucket, and in this day and age he wouldn’t. Check out porky film bod Kevin Smith, him of Clerks and some other films that are basically the same, who was thrown off a Southwest Airlines flight, saving the other passengers from certain fiery death. Is he happy that he prevented the senseless slaughter of hundreds of innocents? No.

‘I'm way fat, but I'm not there just yet,’ said the roly poly director. ‘I broke no regulation. Wanna tell me I'm too wide for the sky? Totally cool, but fair warning folks: If you look like me, you may be ejected from Southwest Air.’ And with good cause, Kev.

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