What is the X Factor? It’s elusive, a kind of star quality possessed by only a few and visible only to Simon Cowell – a rare something extra that can’t be manufactured or bought. Unless you’ve got £12.99 to spare, that is.

Yes, at last X Factor perfume has gone on sale, enabling its wearers to smell like Shayne Ward – or “be part of the excitement and glamour of becoming a pop star” according to its manufacturer ScentUps (FACT: ScentUps is owned by German company ars-parfum, but we’re not going there).

The Fragrance Shop, which sells the perfume, claims “there has been massive debate about just what constitutes the X Factor” – we must have missed that edition of Question Time – “and now it’s been bottled for everyone”.

With that secret out of the bag, auditions for the next series should be a lot simpler – a quick sniff and you’re in. Coming soon: the great smell of Dancing with the Stars…

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