According to PR celebrity consultant Mark Borkowski's Theory On The Longevity of Fame, fame generally lasts and 'spikes', not at 15 minutes but at 15 months. The theory is evident by way of the 'formula' F(T) = B+P(1/10T+1/2T2) (whatever that means) and can be applied to even the most hapless of barrell scrapers. Step forward please Miss Abi Titmuss.

Looks like Titmuss, who has been feasting on the crumbs of her relationship with exiled TV presenter John Leslie and a decent set of chest pups for far too long, has finally 'spiked'. Tit's latest book 'The Secret Diaries of Abi Titmuss, which promised to be "racy, hilariously funny, scorchingly honest and always just a little bit tongue-in-cheek" bellyflopped miserably into the book charts yesterday, failing to ignite even the merest whiff of interest at booksignings in London Liverpool Street and the Manchester Arndale Centre.

The Mirror, who were there to cover the momentous occasion, reported that only 3 punters turned up in Manchester - and noone in London. (The Sun) The ex nurse come comedy temptress put on a brave face, smiling gamely for photos with her 3 fans, but it must have come as a terrible blow. Does F(T) = B+P(1/10T+1/2T2) = back to changing bedpans for Titmuss?