Never a dull moment in the Lohan family. If it's not bitter divorce dealings, it's family reality shows, spells in prison, thievery, and lesbianism......and now illegitimate kids!

Michael Lohan has been hauled before the DNA courts in order to prove that a 13 year old girl, Ashley Kaufman is in fact his illegitimate daughter and not the spawn of a money grabbing fraud (as he's portrayed her mother.)

Ashley's mother, Kristi Kaufman, and devout bible whacker Michael Lohan had a month long affair 13 years ago, during which Kristi claims to have fallen pregnant with his child. Michael was still married to Dina Lohan at the time who knew nothing of her hubby's bit on the side. Michael Lohan also claims to have known 'nothing' of his secret lovechild until a phone call years later from a woman ' convincing me that I was the only person she was with and that she had my child.”

Pictures of Ashley, which Kristi flogged to the highest bidder donated to OK Magazine show Ashley to be the spitting image of Michael. In fact, more like him than he even looks himself. Kristi also claims Michael penned a letter to his lovechild while in prison for DUI, grudgingly admitting the uncanny similarity and signing the card off, 'love daddy'.

Poppa Lohan is awaiting the results of his DNA tests. If it's wrong he's vowed to clean Kristi Kaufman out in the courts for slander. If it's right, well, he'll tell the rest of the Lohan clan he fathered a lovechild and wait for Dina to let rip at him in her reality show. Oh and he's also casting around for a buyer for the results. 50K for a positive, 20K for a negative. Now that's a canny Lohan!