How to get ready for a gig : the rules according to Pete Doherty.

1) Rig your mobile phone camera up and get into position.

2) Film yourself having a bath. (Wash well behind your ears and with no soap while swinging your arm dangerously near some cat poo)

3) Wrap up in a Union Jack towel and do a 'skit' with your way gay stylist/manager about what to wear tonight. The skit, neither rich in comic timing or dialogue should fall at the first hurdle and leave you muttering about nothing.

3) Take your shirt off and do a piece de camera. Mumble incoherently about throwing your laptop out of the window. Retrieving it. Not being off your box. Invite people to come and sip mineral water with you backstage at one of your gigs.

Check out Come to the gig mark 1, 2 and 3 - the latest YouTube offerings by Pete Doherty the lovable mess. Then answer this question. Are his grooming techniques better than P Diddy's?