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Matthew McConaughey ; most annoying birthing partner in world

Oh dear God. Matthew McConaughey's just about the last person you'd want by your side when giving birth.

As actors are prone to do, Matt's waxing lyrical about the 'miraculous experience' blah blah blah that was the birth of his first son Levi Alves. Quite forgetting for a second that it wasn't even him giving birth, McConaughey has described the labour as 'tribal' and more like a favela party than the most painful natural experience of a woman's life.

"Contractions started kicking in and we found a great rhythm. I sat there with her, right between her legs. We got tribal on it. We danced to it! I was DJ-ing this Brazilian music.....we were jamming! She was sweating. No painkiller, let's go. She just clicked into that gear that only a woman has at a time like this. We'd been up for 40-something hours, and we went from dead tired to a really steadfast, 'Let's handle this … let's stay in the rhythm. Don't let the contraction be more than you" he gushed, before admitting the baby was actually born by C-section.

Can you even imagine? Legs in stirrups, screaming blue murder and a numpty like McConaughey bouncing round beatboxing and dancing to the god of 'birth'. Matthew also described the birth as a "bloody, pukey, sweaty, primeval thing". Why oh why didn't Camilla hobble out of bed and knock him out?!

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