Matt Cardle wins the X Factor

So it’s all over for another year. All the glitz and glamour that only a long, drawn out karaoke contest can bring has vanished from our screens, leaving us with a huge void in our weekend viewing. Simon Cowell slinks off with sacks of money, leaving us viewers gasping for more stage-managed mediocrity, like a high-waisted drug pusher. It’s all too much to take.

Still, now we get to see whether X Factor winner Matt Cardle sinks or swims in the pop game. It’s almost a dead cert that his debut single – a cover of Biffy Clyro’s Many of Horror (When We Collide) – will shoot straight in at number one, but after that? It’s all up to you, Cardle. Well, you and your song-writing team, anyway.

‘I just want to say thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for voting for me,’ said Cardle in a perfectly bland acceptance speech. ‘And congratulations to everyone who got to this stage because everyone should be so proud. I want to thank all the judges, Dannii especially.’

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