Madsen and 11 others in Big Brother house

The famous, not-so-famous and "who the...?" celebrities lined up and marched in to the Celebrity Big Brother house, as January marked the annual voyeuristic frenzy on Channel 5.

Leading the fame rankings in an admittedly weak field was Michael Madsen, who, once upon a time, was a Hollywood face and appeared in Quentin Tarantino movies. His movie career has been in decline for a while, reducing him to sharing endless hours of screen time with the likes of:

Natalie Cassidy, forever Sonia from EastEnders. That glittering film and stage career somehow failed to materialise after she had skulked out of Albert Square. She now spends her time squabbling with Denise Van Outen on Twitter about who is the better mother.

Another former soap star, Denise Welch. Her career has stuck fast in the hormonal rut that is the daytime hell of Loose Women.

Nicola Mclean, a "glamour model", chosen to make viewing worthwhile for those who invested in 3D tellies over Christmas. A poor man’s Katie Price.

Frankie Cocozza, the loudmouth X Factor also-ran who made the serious mistake of trying to inject a little rebelliousness into Simon Cowell’s puppet show, and was swiftly ejected.

Gareth Thomas, the rugby star who shocked the sport when he announced he was gay... and shocked nobody by pursuing a career in reality TV.

Natasha Giggs, the former mistress of the football star Ryan Giggs, who, unlike other mistresses, happened to be his sister-in-law.

We’d like to offer you details of the other inmates, sorry housemates, but frankly we are pretty sketchy on how they qualify for celebrity status.

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