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Madonna is an 'old bag' wibbles jealous ex-girlfriend

Madonna has been branded a 'ridiculous old bag' by the ex-girlfriend of her current 22-year-old toyboy Jesus Luz, in attack that is in no way typical of a scorned woman.

'She is a ridiculous old bag (see? - Ed), jumping around on stage at her age,' blathered Catharina Franca. 'I think she has some kind of an age complex, she still thinks she is a young woman and can't accept her age.

'It's like my mum with a boyfriend my age, or even my grandmother. I think it's very weird. Jesus needs to think very well what he is going to do afterwards because she will find another toyboy. I think he could get very hurt because he is the kind of guy who gets very involved emotionally.'

So emotionally involved in fact, that he's been spotted by The Sun hanging around in Rio with a lingerie model called Luciana Costa, with assorted 'revellers' (made up people helpfully adding made up quotes for the gossip journos), claiming that they 'canoodled'. Proof of this? A picture of him walking a about five yards ahead of her by the beach. Conclusive stuff, I'm sure you'll agree.

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