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Just like The Jam

The death of Russell Brand’s shameless caddery is a sight that makes lesser men cry with disbelief: how could you forsake a life of unadulterated debauchery and shagging when there are men out there who will never experience it? He’s got no sense of responsibility, that man. Who now can we live our parallel lives with? Who now will show us the way to riches and endless bonking? Damn you Katy Perry, with your slinky outfits and wonderful rack, you’ve ruined everything.

Despite our hopes and dreams being crushed, the man himself seems happy that he left the scene at the top of his game, and not slumming it around trashy looking suburban trollops like George Best did. In fact, he says he’s ‘earned the right to wear leather trousers’, whatever that means.

‘I think I've earned the right to wear leather trousers,' said the former playa, in an interview with The Sun.'I have done the groundwork, the statistics speak for themselves. The people I've shagged! Believe it, I've retired at the top of my game.

‘I didn't leave them hanging around on the fringes, I went out at the top - to an American pop star. I can wear them leather pants. I could wear crotchless leather trousers. I think it is acceptable attire for me.’ What?

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