It's over

The saga that has gripped the nation has finally run its course. Millions of inches of ink have been splodged onto thousands of pages during the run of Jordan and Peter Andre’s bumpy ride through the town of lurve, and from the day they first set eyes on each other on I Was A Celebrity Please Make Me Famous Again to their bitter break up, fans have been gripped.

Now it’s officially over, with the divorce papers still wet from the ink of their spent love pens. Peter Andre is now available to take a look at other fish wriggling in the sea, while Jordan is ready to put her cross-dressing boyfriend through the public wringer once more. Happy days. The real victims in this sorry saga are, of course the tabloids, who will no doubt be scrambling around like cockroaches in a nuclear holocaust wondering where the next headline will come from. All good things must come to an end, editors.

‘At last I'm free to love again,’ said Andre to The Mirror, who are no doubt wondering what on earth they’re going to write about now. ‘It's over. I've moved on. It's been hard but you guys have always been there for me. I've been hurt by this but I'm a stronger man now. I can cope with anything.’

‘On one hand he's delighted,’ said a friend to fellow sufferer The Sun. ‘But the separation's been far from pain-free. Of course he'll celebrate, but he has a lot of thinking to do.’

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