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'I'm a good gardener'

Married life can be hard, especially if you’re a self-confessed sex addicted like Russell Brand is. You might be used to having it off 20 times a week like a dead-eyed rutting rabbit, but once marriage comes along even the most experienced conqueror will have to settle down and realise that those days are over. Or you just cheat on your partner.

Anyway, Brand has been talking to the irritating Piers Morgan about what it’s like being married to pop sex-bomb Katy Perry for his Life Stories show on ITV, in which he said he’s been replacing rampant sex sessions with a series of hot women for gardening, and picking up his wife’s rubbish. Sounds... thrilling, Russell. Really.

‘I can't believe I used to have sex 20 times a week, especially now I'm married,’ said Brand. ‘But now I'm a bloody good gardener.

‘It's difficult getting used to one person and being in the same house every day. See, if she leaves stuff lying around I have to deal with it. And if I leave stuff on the floor I have to pick it up. That confuses me. And she takes ages to get ready. It's unbelievable. I had no idea what went on, I was never normally around for that bit.’ Welcome to the real world, Brandy boy.

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