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I'm a celesbian, keep me in here

In a pathetic bid to stay in the game which hasn't actually started yet, I'm A Celebrity Keep Me In Here So I Can Flog The Dead Donkey That Was Once My Career, former page three girl Nicola McLean has said she's willing to take one for the team and let lesbian Martina Navratilova get up on her if it means staying in the game. (Well not exactly Martina.) "Yes I do like to look at girls. I wouldn't mind giving another girl a go - if she was hot."

Lipstick lesbianism just for the cameras is a known strategy which has worked in the past for other pointless reality contestants - but most people are canny enough to use it as a trump card, whipping it out in the 11th hour rather than running with it straight off the bat.

Will it keep McLean in? Do we care? No and no again. What we do know is that performing for the boys is a shameful strategy which should be punishable by immediate expulsion or at the very least a camel poo pat in the face. The campaign to get McLean out starts here.

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