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'I feel violated'

Never underestimate a Manchester City fan’s hatred of their deadly rivals Manchester United: few city derbies are as one-way as the one between the fans of the Champions elect and those of City, who detest United with a virulence that isn’t reciprocated. United fans treat their City cousins like they were their ugly little brother, rather than a genuine rival.

So you can understand why, for instance, Noel Gallagher got so angry about United legend Gary Neville posting up the lyrics to one of his songs, in support of United. The former Red right-back posted: ‘While we're living, the dreams we have as children fade away.' Not if you support United!’, enraging the former Oasis songwriter and guitarist. He then produced a bizarre (and funny) rant threatening to beat Neville to a pulp.

‘I feel violated,’ he wrote. ‘If Mr Neville continues to use the holy scriptures of Oasis to communicate with the Cockney massive, I shall be forced to come up to Cheshire in the middle of the night, break into his house, tie him to a chair, make him listen to the Best Of Simply d(Red)ful while I pull his tash out one grey hair at a time (with my teeth), liberate those Oasis CDs and s*** in his manbag. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED...’

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