Gwyneth tells Apple that Internet is dangerous

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Gwyneth Paltrow can always be relied on for some bland inanities to pad out the entertainment pages, and hey, we're no better than the rest of them. There is a sweet irony though in Paltrow decrying the dangers of the internet given that her daughter Apple shares a name with a globe-straddling tech company.

It seems that young Apple, like any curious nine year-old who knows how to push a cursor, has been browsing some dubious material (no, not those Coldplay videos on YouTube) and asked her parents some awkward questions (no, not "Hey mom, so your new movie's about sex addiction").

"The Internet is causing some of these conversations to happen earlier and earlier," Paltrow said. "She was exposed to a little something, not anything too bad, thank goodness, but by a friend who has older brothers and it's too early. She's only nine and she's an innocent nine, so we haven't really gotten to it yet."

Paltrow has always had a healthy sense of being special and entitled, and that extends to her children. "She has such an incredible brain," the proud mum said about Apple, even if that seems unlikely given that she is the offspring of the woman who made inane chick-flick Sliding Doors and the man who wrote colour-coded power ballad 'Yellow'.

"She'll ask me anything from what happens when our universe stops, what's next? She asks me about why bad things happen, if there's a devil? Is God real or is it an energy? She's super-smart. She asked me like really big stuff." Earth to Paltrow, most kids are asking that stuff at age six. And short answer: there is no God or He would not have allowed 'I Will Fix You' to be a global hit.

Paltrow has told Apple (and little brother Google, presumably) that the Internet is not safe. "There are things on the Internet that are really upsetting," she said. True that. There is this excruciatingly embarrassing site called Goop . . .

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