There can be few things so self-consciously trying to be cool and decadent that it becomes as naff as the Playboy mansion. We’re sure way back in the day, when Hugh Heffner wasn’t the terrifying sex zombie he’s become today, it was worth reading. In fact any magazine that’s published stuff by Hunter S. Thompson is all right by us.

However, the whole Playboy scene is now as tacky as a Vodka Revolution nightclub, and if there’s anything as creepy sounding as the Grotto then we’ll make sure that we’ll never see it. However, Kelly Brook, who seems to have decided that she’s going to stop trying to be a presenter, actress or anything else and rinse every last penny out of her admittedly amazing body before it starts going south, is claiming that she’s going to be there to celebrate the release of her Playboy cover shoot. Don’t do it Kelly, you’re better than that. Pretty much everyone is, frankly.

‘I'm a bit nervous about The Grotto because apparently I should stay clear,’ she said, secretly hating men more with every second. ‘I'm single now so it's probably where you'll find me. Where else do you go when you're a single girl? I get to meet Hefner and all the Bunnies - I'm really looking forward to it.’

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