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Dominatrix Spice

Now please don't call us cynics, but in celeb-land, the best way to stop people thinking about a recent alleged sex scandal, is to give a 'candid' interview, where you 'reveal all' about your blissfully happy married life. Victoria Beckham isn't stupid - she knows that a chat with a journalist gossiping about her dominatrix habits in the bedroom will go a long way to giving her civilian fans amnesia...

Vicky told Marie Claire magazine, 'I'm very loving. David and I are very affectionate. I don't really notice his high-pitched voice. I just think he's so goddamn perfect that people have to find something wrong with him. We were about to go out somewhere the other day, and he was sending an email. He was sitting at the end of the bed and he had no clothes on whatsoever. I was getting out of the shower and I just stood looking at him. He was all tan, has all those tattoos - which I love. Hadn't done his hair.'

And on she gushed, 'He just naturally looks good all the time. He never looks like s*** in the morning. Never. So he's sitting there sending his emails, all ripped. Not an ounce of fat on him. And I thought: 'You done good girl.' I sure wasn't thinking of his high-pitched voice. Contrary to the rumours of my wearing sweats around the house, this is how I greet David when he comes home each day. The only difference is that I have a leashed doberman in each of my hands. And when dressed like this, I insist my children call me Mommy Dearest.'

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