Cruise Control

Everyone knows that the car beauts’ favourite programme is Top Gear. Man, those crazy car-driving rebels just can’t get enough of Britain’s most irritating reactionary Tory blowhards driving cars around and blowing stuff up, and they’re given so much leeway to act like berks that they barely bother reviewing cars that people might actually buy.

Anyway, in the show they have a segment where they interview a hot shot celeb and send him round their track in a rubbish old banger. Usually it’s some no-mark from a soap or chat show or something, but they’ve managed to bag two genuine a-list megastars: Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz. Hopefull Cruise will be all creepy and try to convert them all to Scientology.

‘Tom and Cameron are over in Britain for the premiere of their new movie Knight and Day’, said a source to The Sun. ‘Tom knew we were filming so asked if he could give the old Kia a whirl.

‘We've had some big names tearing around in our reasonably priced car, but Tom has to be up there as the biggest. And the amazing thing is his people contacted us. Cameron was up for it too so we're getting two A-list stars for one show. Jeremy Clarkson and the boys couldn't be happier.’

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