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Cowell's court jester

Who’d have thought it? Apparently Simon Cowell gets very prickly whenever anyone has the temerity to laugh at his height or personality.

David Walliams, a judge on Cowell’s Britain’s Got Talent show, spilled the beans on Cowell’s protective producers and their attempts to avoid any humour at the expense of the diminutive, camp showbiz mogul who hangs around with Sinitta all the time.

"I meet the producers before Simon arrives," Walliams told Radio 2, "and I say, 'Can you make jokes about Simon?' and they go, 'What, what kind of jokes?' I said, 'Well, I dunno. Jokes about his height?' 'Absolutely no way!' 'What about jokes about his friendship with Sinitta?' 'No!' 'Jokes about him being camp?' 'He detests jokes about him being camp.'"

Happily, Walliams, having found fame and huge popularity with Little Britain and his charity swimming feats, is one of the few people associated with the show who does not have to pay obeisance to the Cowell ego, and threw in a few jibes regardless.

"The first person comes on the stage and they say, 'Oh, my dream is to perform in front of the Queen.' I say, 'Well, he's right here, go ahead!' Simon's laughing, the audience are laughing and it's all good. I didn't need to worry because he's got a great sense of humour and he's like the king and I'm the court jester."

Presumably Cowell has already checked with his minions to ascertain when it will be permissible to have the impertinent jester executed.

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