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Cor blimey! I wanna be a Brit

We’re tipping Katy Perry to be the next Cheryl Cole. She’s got it all: burgeoning music career, celebrity fella and is smoking hot, with massive great love pillows that make the likes of, well, men, melt into a pathetic slobbering mess. There’s only one problem: she’s a flipping Yank! But how can one of our cross-Atlantic cousins ever possibly make it into our glorious club of English roses? It looks like the future Mrs Brand has a little trick up her sleeve...

It’s dual citizenship of course – why on earth didn’t we think of that sooner? Perry has said that she’ll be applying to become a British subject (we’re not citizens, people – thank the monarchy for that one) as soon as she gets married to former top shagger Russell Brand, which appears to be next month. Rapid.

‘When I get married next month, one of the first things I'll do is apply for dual citizenship,’ she said. ‘I'm not too sure if I have to take a test as I've not had time to look into it. But England is like my second home.’

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