Cole tops the charts

It's that time of year again, when the middle class sexists of the world unite to peer at heavily airbrushed pictures of currently famous women and announce one of them as 'the world's sexiest.' A profoundly pointless exercise if you happen to be out of your teens, and if you're looking to perve, well there is the internet...

Anyway, geordie martyr for mistreated wives everywhere Cheryl Cole has been pronounced number one, for all the good that will do her. And she's too bloody skinny anyway – get a hot dinner down you love then we'll talk.

Most worryingly, we don't even recognise three people in the top ten, so if anyone could explain to us who Adriana Lima, Kristin Kreuk and Freida Pinto are, that would be great. Oh and if you want the top ten list, either look here, or just go and buy the mag. They need the sales.

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