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Clarkson plays away

There are some celebrities who the public are quite happy to imagine engaged in erm, rumpy pumpy; Justin 'trousersnake' Timberlake for example, or Angelina Jolie. There are others however, Hazel Blears, Kerry Katona and Peter Andre, to name three, who should always remain clothed. Jeremy Clarkson definitely falls into the latter category. So, it's with a heavy heart that we bring you the news, that Top Gear's Jezza is apparently having it off with a secret mistress.

A Daily Mirror supersleuth reported Jeremy's actions during a night out, 'In the evening, Clarkson rejoined his mistress and the team in the hotel’s rooftop bar, which was crowded with members of the public. Hammond and May sat at the other end of the outdoor bar from Clarkson and Phillipa, who were sitting together under separate blankets, drinking white wine. Shortly after 1am, he said goodnight to his colleagues and kissed Phillipa on the lips in full view of the group and public. Moments after he left, she slipped out of the bar, followed him into the lift and walked with him to his suite. They remained in the room all night.'

Is it just us, or does the fact that Hammond and May were present during the grubby night out make it all the more unsavoury? Jeremy - don't make us imagine you unclothed ever again...

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