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Cheryl collapses

Before we begin this tale of woe, we'd like to make a plea to the Establishment: can someone in a position of power, The Queen perhaps, or Prince Andy, make an official decision on Cheryl's surname? Cole or Tweedy, which is it to be? First we're told it's Tweedy, then back creeps the Cole appendage, and we just can't live with the daily uncertainty. Okay, on with the story...

Cheryl, our very own pop princess, has had to leave X Factor for an indefinite period, after collapsing during a photoshoot (they can be very tiring, you know). Docs have told her to have 'complete rest' - C/T has thrown herself into work after Ashley-gate, to the detriment of her health.

A concerned friend told the tabloids, 'She should never have gone to the studio. She insisted she was fine even though she clearly wasn't. Her skin was pale and her lips had no colour. She's run down and tired. That's why she ended up with the stomach virus. She was really sweating and eventually she just keeled over.'

'It was horrible. She was only out for a few seconds but it was enough to give everyone including Cheryl a massive scare. She was carried to a dark room and lay down on a sofa until the doctor arrived. She was sent home to rest and the shoot was postponed indefinitely. It was a real shock to see Cheryl so ill. She looks terrible. Since splitting with Ashley, Cheryl has been throwing herself into work. There's only so long someone can do 18 hours a day without burning out. Something had to give.'

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