Brand defends sex with Henry the Hoover

Russell 'conscientious scribe' Brand has penned a letter in defence of a Polish Great Ormond Street builder sprung wetting his cheeky bits on Henry The Hoover. Butt ne-ked. On the floor of the staff canteen. By his boss. Youch! No explaining that one away. You'd think.

Au contraire says Russell - an honest mistake that could happened to anyone. In fact but for the grace of god Mr Brand wasn't foiled lightening his load as a teenager with a frisky suction machine himself.

“The lure of Henry is a force I once succumbed to as a lonely youth" confessed Russell in his hilarious letter to Fleet Street moralists all in a huff over the horny Pole."It was a reckless and impetuous act — I was in my teens and my options were limited; Henry was by no means my first choice — Matey is too young and Mr Muscle had a headache."

Brand recommends manufacturers of the 'sexy little appliance' be punished.
"Who in their right mind designs a machine with the capacity for suction and then puts a face on it? You might as well put eyelashes on a toaster!". Which we think is a damn good point. If Russell starts a petition against the sexualisation of ordinary household appliances, ours'll be the first name on it.

Still, if last weeks Russell woos Dita story's to be believed, Russell's the last man on earth who'd succumb to the wide eyed appeal of Henry The Hoover. Check out Dita Von Teese in the buff

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