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Beauty and the beast

Were you at Shoreditch House yesterday? No? Then you missed out on the Brit celebrity wedding of the millennium. You also missed out on one of the choicest first dances since Peter Andre steered a pink tiarred Jordan onto the dancefloor and serenaded her with a Whole New World. David Walliams - we knew you'd go for the comedy element, but Celine Dion's Beauty and the Beast is an absolute crackerjack. According to a ligger, sorry a Sun journo: 'It sounds cheesy but it was actually a genuinely touching moment'. Translation - groanworthy that morphed into sweet. Hold your scorn, celebs can get away with it...

The wedding bash also saw synchronised swimmers clad in gold bikinis lowered into the rooftop pool. Bond images were projected onto the wall to a soundtrack of Shirley Bassey, while Lara Stone (forget supermodel, the name screams tombraider) and David worked the room. And of course Mr Williams couldn't resist a Carry On moment. 'David had the crowd in hysterics during the ceremony itself when, asked if anybody knew of a reason why the couple couldn't marry, he dropped Lara's hand and turned to stare at Dale Winton.'

Well it was never going to be egg and cress sandwiches at the local churchhall...

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