A rough deal

Tiger Woods and soon-to-be ex-wife Elin Nordegren are close to finalising their divorce, with both sides making some rather extravagant demands of each other.

According to The Sun Nordegren stands to make around £500million – the largest divorce settlement ever – out of the deal, but with one condition: she is to never go on TV, write a book, appear in any magazines or speak in public about Wood’s numerous affairs, ever, even after he dies, or she loses the entire fortune. You best make sure you don’t get drunk and speak to any ‘strangers’ in a bar while drunk, Elin.

Meanwhile Tiger has been banned from allowing his children to see any of his girlfriends, in fact any single women at all, presumably in case Charlie, one, and Sam, three, learn how to be a love rat through their dad. He can only bring women into their lives if he has married them, which strikes us as a very weird and puritanical idea indeed.

‘Elin is desperate to protect the children from the womanising side of their father,’ said a ‘friend’ to the tabloid. ‘Tiger's main fear is her telling her story after he's rebuilt his reputation, sending him back to the gutter.

‘Elin's legal team have done a great job digging up all sorts of assets. The price of the huge sum is her silence: no interviews, tell-all books, or TV appearances about this for the rest of her life - even if Tiger dies first - or she'll lose the lot.’

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